Teen Talk: How to Establish Good Communication & Trust with Your Teen

[00:00:01] Happy Sunday! Welcome to Keep Calm and Parent Strong, episode 2, Teen Talk. I'm your host,

[00:00:11] ChristaCarol Jones, and today we're diving into the world of teens with our guests,

[00:00:15] Jace and Elena. If you find value in our chat, please take a moment to leave a review.

[00:00:21] It helps more people find us and join our community. You can subscribe to our podcast

[00:00:25] on any listening platform to never miss an episode. Got ideas for future topics? I'd

[00:00:30] love to hear them. Comment through our website or message man Facebook or shoot

[00:00:35] me an email 321parentsstrongatgmail.com. Let's get started.

[00:00:40] Today we're getting the scoop straight from the source. Join us as teens Jace and

[00:00:47] Elena pull back the curtain on what builds trust and keeps communication

[00:00:50] open between teens and their parents. Jace, Elena are you guys ready? Yes.

[00:00:55] Alright, why don't you introduce yourselves Elena? You go first. Hi my name is Elena.

[00:01:00] I'm 15 and I'm an actress. Alright, Jace. My name is Jace and I'm 15. I know it

[00:01:08] doesn't sound like it but I am and I make music. Thank you guys so much for

[00:01:13] joining us today on the podcast. I'm kind of excited to pick your brains

[00:01:17] and help our audience and our listeners and parents out there that

[00:01:22] are in the trenches with their teenagers. Maybe get some ideas on some ways to help

[00:01:27] open that communication up between them and their teens. Yeah. Alright, so without

[00:01:32] further ado let's go for some questions. What are some things that make you feel

[00:01:37] comfortable when you're sharing your thoughts and feelings with your parents?

[00:01:41] Definitely open communication from both sides. What can they do to kind of

[00:01:46] help promote that open communication because I can tell you there have been

[00:01:50] days where I'm like, hey how was your day? Good and that's it right? So you know what

[00:01:56] are some specific ideas that you can help other parents utilize when they're

[00:02:01] trying to get their kids to open up, get their teenagers to open up to them?

[00:02:05] Well when you're talking right both sides need to be saying something right

[00:02:11] like when I'm talking to my mom for example and she'll give me like her

[00:02:17] two cents on like everything they'll like I'll say to her in that usually it's

[00:02:22] just it's about that general like relatability of just having a

[00:02:26] conversation as a whole. Okay yeah like it cannot be one-sided both parts

[00:02:33] the party have to communicate. Yeah alright that makes sense so no one side

[00:02:38] dominates the conversation. Yeah what do you think are the biggest

[00:02:42] misunderstandings parents have about teenagers today? They think that they

[00:02:49] will make bad decisions and do drugs and alcohol and be influenced by the wrong

[00:02:54] people. So you're saying trust is a big thing? Yes. The biggest misunderstanding

[00:03:00] is not forming or not providing trust to the teenager to make good choices?

[00:03:06] Exactly. Alright Jace do you have anything to expand on that? Social media

[00:03:11] as I feel like that's where it definitely starts. So give me some more what do you

[00:03:16] mean when you say social media? Okay well she just mentioned you know just all

[00:03:22] around like it goes to being around the wrong people right you see that on

[00:03:26] social media and then I feel like parents would definitely kind of assume

[00:03:29] because they saw it on social media it's definitely just around their

[00:03:33] kid because I've had like my grandma for example not necessarily a parent but I

[00:03:39] kind of grew up around her when I was younger so she'll come up to me and be

[00:03:43] like oh I saw this on TikTok and I was like I'm just kind of sitting there

[00:03:47] because I'm not influenced by it at all but because you saw it on social media

[00:03:51] she barred it up to me. As like a question like are you doing this you

[00:03:55] shouldn't be doing this kind of a lecture type of situation okay alright

[00:03:59] so lots of assumptions sounds like adults can tend to make assumptions when

[00:04:04] they see it on social media they can assume that their kid might be into

[00:04:09] that. Yeah okay and so you guys are basically saying don't jump to conclusions

[00:04:14] exactly alright yeah it's yeah so do you have an example and Elena you're my

[00:04:21] daughter everybody here knows that so I'm not gonna take anything personal

[00:04:25] about you know a big misunderstanding that I might have had or dad might have

[00:04:30] had that could have been prevented if it had been handled differently. Oh this one's

[00:04:36] a hard one. I mean I try really hard to kind of leave the door open right for

[00:04:40] open communication for you and I to talk and that's that's the biggest thing

[00:04:46] that's one of the reasons I wanted to have this segment is because I try my

[00:04:50] best I'm not perfect but I do try my best not to jump to conclusions. No

[00:04:53] one's perfect. Amen to that but yeah I try my best not to jump to conclusions and

[00:04:59] I try to get a sense of your side in your perspective of things for instance

[00:05:04] you know I mean if I had seen something on social media before jumping to

[00:05:09] conclusions I'm gonna come and be like hey Elena did you see this tell me

[00:05:12] about this do you are you aware of it are you gonna do this like okay the

[00:05:16] tide pod challenge right that was yours ago but that's the first thing I can

[00:05:20] think of like it was really stupid and I don't really understand other than if you

[00:05:26] know if I were to step into a teenager's brain why why do teams do that is it for

[00:05:31] the attention is it for the likes do you guys have anything to add like to help

[00:05:35] us understand we were all teenagers at one point but times have changed you

[00:05:39] know we've never when I was growing up I don't know there were some stupid

[00:05:43] challenges too back then but I mean what is it what is it that drives that

[00:05:47] um I guess it since it was trending I guess everyone wanted to follow like the

[00:05:54] herd of people that were doing it and become popular with it that's what I

[00:05:58] would say but for a misunderstanding me and my friend we were you know just

[00:06:04] cuddling and you thought we were dating and I'm just like no no no we're not

[00:06:09] dating mm-hmm and I had to explain to you how I just like physical touch

[00:06:15] with my friends okay that's a great example and I thank you I know it can take

[00:06:20] a minute to think of something yeah specific and so yeah I remember that I

[00:06:24] remember that moment where you and your friend were cuddling and I called it out

[00:06:28] as I saw it because I sometimes do that I'm a little unfiltered yeah but I did I

[00:06:34] did give you a moment I stepped back and I'll let you explain yourself and I

[00:06:38] trusted you thank you for that you're welcome Jace do you have anything

[00:06:41] to add regarding like the tide pod challenge why teams do stupid stuff or

[00:06:46] any any specific stories where there was maybe a misunderstanding again it ties

[00:06:51] back to social media because I mean hey if you just look around like if you go

[00:06:56] on a tiktok your bound is he something stupid happening like I'm sorry but

[00:06:59] that's it you'll see something done eventually so then what drives you to

[00:07:05] have you ever done any of those stupid things oh no just don't do dumb

[00:07:09] trends yeah all right well you guys have good heads on your shoulders you know

[00:07:13] and for for teens out there that might be listening I definitely encourage you

[00:07:17] to talk to your parents I mean I was a teen once I've done really stupid stuff

[00:07:23] story time story time so I was 18 and this was back in 98 this is like ancient

[00:07:31] okay years ago dinosaurs she thinks and you know back then being online having

[00:07:40] friends online was a fairly new thing but I had acquired some friends online that

[00:07:46] I had been role-playing with we did Star Wars I'm a nerd I love Star Wars anyways

[00:07:50] we did Star Wars role-playing and after I graduated I wanted to visit them

[00:07:56] and they lived in New York so I don't know why maybe it was because I was

[00:07:59] already an adult but my mom was like okay you can go to New York by myself and

[00:08:05] stayed with they're all guys stayed with one of their stayed at one of their

[00:08:10] houses with their parents well I was I think my mom bestowed some trust on me

[00:08:16] you know I was I didn't get in a lot of trouble when I was a kid I was kind of

[00:08:19] it goody two shoes but at the same time if I was gonna be rebellious it

[00:08:23] was towards my parents not towards like authority right anybody else but

[00:08:27] there's this one night that we all decided we were gonna go walking down the

[00:08:31] neighborhood and this was in Long Island do you want me to talk like in my

[00:08:35] Long Island voice Selena oh yeah she loves when I talk like Holly Quinn so you

[00:08:41] know I was in Long Island and I was with some friends and they were all guys

[00:08:44] and we were walking down the street right and they decided hey let's go

[00:08:50] climb on top of the elementary school yeah it'll be fun it's nighttime right

[00:08:54] okay sure I'm the only girl I'm like okay sure I'll fall along so we went and we

[00:08:59] climbed on top of the elementary school and it was it was pretty high it was

[00:09:03] pretty high up there they decided to start playing tennis balls somebody

[00:09:07] brought a tennis ball and they were like throwing it back and forth and then

[00:09:10] one of them was like hey let's pee off the roof that's not something I

[00:09:14] can do you know I don't have the right equipment so they all start doing

[00:09:21] it and one guy was he stayed he stayed below to be like the lookout right and

[00:09:25] mid pee the guy shouts cops man I never had some new zippers go at the same time

[00:09:34] and they all start jumping off okay I'm gonna lose my Harley Quinn now but

[00:09:38] they all start jumping off the building like there I don't know some

[00:09:41] stuntmen from the movies and I'm thinking okay I can do this I can do

[00:09:45] this I have my leather jacket on I felt really cool I was one of the guys

[00:09:47] right so I got to the edge and my idea was to jump turn and slide down the pole

[00:09:53] that was on the side of the building and I did it and I went I got caught a

[00:09:56] little bit I don't remember what I got caught on at the time and we're just

[00:10:00] bolting down the street you know I don't know where the cop was I never

[00:10:03] saw him so maybe it was a prank but we're running and then the guy next to

[00:10:06] me is like whoa are you okay and I look down and I like blood is all

[00:10:11] over my hand and my my my wrist and I guess going down the pipe there was like a

[00:10:18] bolt latch kind of thing and I guess I cut it and it's right there on my wrist it

[00:10:23] looks like maybe I made some other kind of poor decision but no this was from

[00:10:26] being a teenager with a not fully developed logical part of my brain

[00:10:31] jumping off a school sliding down the pole and I mean it probably needed

[00:10:35] stitches I never went because I was in New York I didn't have my parents but

[00:10:39] yeah that's my not the brightest moment Krista story from when I was a

[00:10:44] teenager don't jump off school kids yeah don't jump off school kids so so

[00:10:51] everybody does it it wasn't a tide pod but it still wasn't the brightest thing

[00:10:54] you know and again you know you're talking about I was around a bunch of

[00:10:58] kids my age they're all boys and I just I wanted to fit in I wanted to

[00:11:01] feel cool and I just went with it what's one thing you wish your parents

[00:11:07] would understand about your world that it does not align with theirs all the

[00:11:12] time okay so expand on that I mean I'm a different person for my parents right

[00:11:20] like I listen to different music I wear different clothes I eat different foods

[00:11:23] like I'm I'm not really a copy of my parents and you don't want them to

[00:11:28] treat you as such well I don't want them to be like oh well this is how I

[00:11:33] do this so I want you to do this the exact same way okay got it and what can you

[00:11:40] say to parents out there that are about to have teens or currently have teenagers

[00:11:45] when it comes to you know understanding their world are you saying you know step

[00:11:50] back and get to know your kid more don't expect to put your own reflection

[00:11:56] on your kids that they'll be just like you don't assume that they'll be just

[00:12:00] like you that kind of what you're getting at I had time to explore and I

[00:12:04] became different obviously there will be you know kids that are just like their

[00:12:09] parents but not to assume that every kid will be no right what about you Alayna

[00:12:17] you know if there was one thing I could understand about your world that you

[00:12:21] feel maybe I don't understand because we talk a lot we do we know like and I

[00:12:26] think a lot of that a lot of that starts from the very beginning of just

[00:12:30] early childhood you know establishing that relationship you and I having our

[00:12:34] nightly talks and when you do come and confess something that maybe wasn't the

[00:12:39] best choice you made I typically now not to say I haven't once or twice in

[00:12:45] our in our relationship gone a little overboard but typically I'm level-headed

[00:12:50] and I hear you out and it's not this blanket over reaction anger because you

[00:12:58] have done some dumb things yeah I have so for those of you listening Alayna and

[00:13:07] Jace know each other through homeschool I started homeschooling Alayna a couple

[00:13:11] years ago and we started homeschool PE classes at the local rec center and

[00:13:16] that is where Alayna and Jace met and so he was very gracious to accept my offer

[00:13:22] to be on the segment today so thank you very much Jace for being here you should

[00:13:27] talk about the noodle the blue noodle and the red noodle you remember that story

[00:13:33] yeah oh no oh no sounds very threatening the noodles noodles are not

[00:13:37] that noodles are not threatening the blue and red noodle okay so I love that

[00:13:44] you remember that Alayna and I can't take full credit for this I saw this years ago

[00:13:49] back when so to give you a little backstory on me as a parent that was like my

[00:13:55] dream job I was subscribing to parent magazine before I was even thinking of

[00:14:01] conceiving a child so I was doing my homework way ahead of time but I

[00:14:06] remember I think it was on a blog back when blogs were really cool and

[00:14:10] there was this story that a mom had shared about teaching her children you

[00:14:14] know how to choose the right people to hang out with and it was noodles and the

[00:14:19] basic story goes like this you know you have a bowl of noodles and you do it

[00:14:22] with your kid okay mind you I did this when you were in elementary school I

[00:14:26] think yeah yeah just to kind of prepare you because elementary school kiddos

[00:14:30] they're beautiful little angels that you know they're still learning who

[00:14:34] they are in the world but they're not quite yet at that I'm completely

[00:14:38] independent I don't want to listen to anything you have to say stage that you

[00:14:42] start getting when they're tweens so they still love you they still look up to you

[00:14:46] not saying teenagers don't love you but you know they love you and they show

[00:14:49] that they love you and so I would take the kiddos Alayna Anderson Ray and show

[00:14:54] them this bowl of noodles that's been you know cooked already so you have a

[00:14:57] bowl of pasta and water and it's regular pasta there's no sauce or

[00:15:02] anything and you talk about how this is you you're this noodle and you

[00:15:05] can pick up a noodle and then you have a bowl of pasta to the left that's food

[00:15:11] colored red and you have a bowl of pasta to the right that's food colored blue and

[00:15:15] you could do a couple different bowls if you want to and there's already some

[00:15:18] noodles in there because they've been sitting in there long enough they're

[00:15:22] now that color and you know you pick up the noodle and you say okay this is

[00:15:26] you if you choose to hang out with the group of people in the red bowl for

[00:15:31] long enough what do you think is going to happen you're gonna turn into

[00:15:34] a red noodle yeah you're gonna turn into a red noodle so let's hypothetically say

[00:15:37] the people in the red noodle are people who you know they're kids who choose to

[00:15:42] be really disrespectful use a lot of foul language try to drink try to smoke

[00:15:47] they're that group of people yes it's great to be kind to everyone and want

[00:15:52] to be friends with everyone but if you hang out with them long enough you'll

[00:15:55] become one of them yeah you will you'll pick up those characteristics

[00:15:58] they'll rub off on you they will yeah and and was I right you were okay

[00:16:03] and I have this recorded on podcast she said I was right everybody what have I

[00:16:10] done in the past Elena to talk with you about a difficult topic without you

[00:16:15] feeling interrogated you approached me calmly and I really trusted you then we

[00:16:22] sat down on my bed and I held willow yeah for a comfort to ease my anxiety

[00:16:30] while talking about it with you and when I finished talking about it you were

[00:16:34] there for me and you comforted me and it just it felt really nice I trusted you

[00:16:39] then and I still trust you now well and I think the biggest thing is I try not

[00:16:44] to pass judgment yeah my advice is try not to judge your teen or child and

[00:16:51] maybe give them advice for the future and just be very gentle with them and

[00:16:58] feelings because they might be going through a lot like I was when I was

[00:17:02] talking about that with you mm-hmm thank you Elena that's some really good advice

[00:17:08] Jace if you had something to say to our listeners out there that are really

[00:17:14] struggling with their teens maybe to just get into their world or to

[00:17:20] understand or just to have a relationship you know maybe maybe there's

[00:17:24] I mean there's all sorts of situations that can be happening in different

[00:17:27] families that create roadblocks for those relationships to be comfortable and

[00:17:33] open despite all of that I mean if you can think of one or two things that would

[00:17:38] really help parents out there connect with kids like you and Elena what would

[00:17:42] you what would you say to them if it's clear that let's say your teen or

[00:17:48] child so there's like there's a certain like topic that they're

[00:17:54] uncomfortable with or like you can't confirm that they're moved on from

[00:17:57] a certain topic don't bring it up publicly under like any circumstance don't

[00:18:03] force it on them to talk about it if they're not ready to talk about it okay

[00:18:08] that makes sense so what if as a parent I'm really concerned and I I have to know

[00:18:16] when and how should I approach that obviously Jace you said not in public

[00:18:21] which makes a lot of sense nobody wants to be scrutinized and feel embarrassed

[00:18:25] or shamed around other people but as a parent you guys have to understand we

[00:18:30] love you and our biggest job is to protect you so if it's something serious we

[00:18:35] don't want to shame you in front of other people or make you feel uncomfortable

[00:18:38] around other people but we can't just let it go so depending on what it is

[00:18:44] right now if it's something small like you didn't eat your vegetables or

[00:18:48] something like that yes but if it's say for instance okay so in our house I'm

[00:18:56] all about treating other people kindly right and we all have our bad days and

[00:19:00] we all have our moments where we're not gonna make the best choice we might snap

[00:19:03] at somebody and I am very blessed to have Elena have such an open

[00:19:06] relationship with me and that she'll tell me when she might have been not

[00:19:10] the nicest person to someone in school and even though you know she we do

[00:19:14] homeschool but she goes to some homeschool classes so she still appears

[00:19:18] and stuff and you know she'll confess this happened and I said this and I did

[00:19:23] this and I'm like whoa whoa whoa but she's in a mood and she doesn't want to

[00:19:26] talk about it and she doesn't want me talking or lecturing her right but to

[00:19:31] me it's important for her to know hey let's sit and talk about a different

[00:19:35] way that you could have handled this when and how should I do that and have

[00:19:38] that conversation with you for instance I would say hey mom can we wait

[00:19:42] until I get into a better mood to talk about this and I just need to calm down

[00:19:47] for a bit okay that's fair so basically I'm talking to the parents now you know

[00:19:52] sit down chat with your teen and say hey if there's ever a time where I am maybe

[00:19:56] a little pushy because there's something that happened and I need to know why it

[00:20:00] happened what happened I need to know the details and maybe I want to parent

[00:20:03] you and guide you to have handled it differently here's what you can say

[00:20:08] if you are not ready to talk to me yet because sometimes when somebody's

[00:20:12] not ready to talk and they don't have the words to use kind of like toddlers

[00:20:15] they throw a tantrum they throw fits and the same thing goes with teenagers if

[00:20:21] we don't give them the ammunition word-wise they're not gonna know how to

[00:20:26] ask for that space in that time so sit down with your team and tell them what

[00:20:30] they can do and what they can say when you do want to talk with them about

[00:20:35] something serious but they're mentally not there or emotionally not ready they

[00:20:39] need to be able to tell you and you have to respect it I think that's the

[00:20:42] biggest thing when Elena says because Elena has her own set of conditions

[00:20:46] and issues that we work on every day and when she says don't talk to me and

[00:20:50] she's worked on saying it more politely or don't touch me because she's got

[00:20:55] some sensory issues we have learned to back off and not push in the past

[00:20:59] when it first started I would get upset I would take it personal and then we

[00:21:03] all be in bad moods but I have learned that you don't always have to

[00:21:06] take it personal that they're humans and they're trying to navigate yeah they're

[00:21:11] trying to cope and navigate through these big emotions that they have just like

[00:21:14] just like toddlers teenagers have big emotions too now they have the

[00:21:18] vocabulary but sometimes they still don't maybe know exactly what to say and

[00:21:22] they blow up and so giving them that vocabulary sitting down ahead of time

[00:21:25] and saying okay don't roll your eyes because I can see that happening

[00:21:29] okay we're gonna sit down the teens like oh I don't want to do this with

[00:21:33] my parent but just be like hey you know listen this is important I want us to

[00:21:36] have a good relationship I want us to have open communication so if there's ever

[00:21:41] a time I'm pushing too much or it's feeling like you're being interrogated

[00:21:44] and you're not at the mental capacity or emotional capacity to deal with it

[00:21:49] let's have something to say so I can back off and give you your time to

[00:21:54] collect yourself I'm an inadvertent so when I'm around people I need to

[00:22:00] recharge after and if you ask me a bunch of questions I will get overwhelmed and

[00:22:06] probably stress out and blow up yeah yeah again I just say not right now please I

[00:22:13] need my time alone to recharge or not right now I don't feel like talking

[00:22:17] right now how important is privacy to you Jace oh I love my privacy you love

[00:22:24] your privacy how do you balance that need with your parents need to know what's

[00:22:28] going on in your life there's obviously things that parents should know about

[00:22:34] your life like okay how about this what are things that you feel like you should

[00:22:39] know as a parent safety and then I will tell you okay I'll tell you if I would

[00:22:44] be comfortable with you knowing that part of my life alright fair enough so

[00:22:49] safety is my number one concern as a parent safety is good yeah and that goes

[00:22:53] beyond physical safety emotional safety too I know with Elena I always worry

[00:22:59] about you with social media and your image your self-image to what extent should

[00:23:05] a parent go when they're concerned about social media Jace because you've

[00:23:09] mentioned social media is a big thing right between teens and their parents so

[00:23:14] apart from taking the phone and going through it which I think that is a

[00:23:18] violation of privacy unless you feel good you need a good reason exactly if

[00:23:23] if your child is suicidal if your child is gonna do something that is just I mean

[00:23:29] everybody has a range or a spectrum of what's good and bad right but something

[00:23:34] where the law might have to be concerned you know that I would say is

[00:23:38] kind of an extenuating circumstance to where I would feel comfortable and not

[00:23:42] you know feel like I'm breaking trust with my child if I'm gonna go through

[00:23:46] your phone because that is for their protection but aside from that Jace what are

[00:23:51] your thoughts as far as social media and parents are concerned and your social

[00:23:56] media and what I guess they're privy to if your kid is already at this at that

[00:24:02] state it's not worth looking through their phone in my opinion my first

[00:24:06] instinct is to say that you kind of need to look at yourself because if

[00:24:10] you're responsible parent right you should be spending a lot of time around

[00:24:13] instead of letting them get lost and sucked into the world of social media

[00:24:17] just just spending time with your kid isn't enough so you have to actually

[00:24:21] properly interact with your kid so give me an example what is properly

[00:24:28] interacting with your teen especially if your teen doesn't want to do anything

[00:24:31] with you what do you I mean what can a parent do just sit with you while

[00:24:36] you're playing like if you're a gamer or like you in the common ground find a

[00:24:40] ground okay or schedule a time to hang out and talk you know yeah kind of stuff

[00:24:48] yeah what about relationships at what point does a parent go too far regarding

[00:24:54] privacy and trust and things like that when it comes to not just friendships

[00:24:59] I'm talking about like boyfriend girlfriend stuff like it's okay to ask

[00:25:03] questions but unnecessarily pry is a little much so that's relative what's

[00:25:10] prying like looking through their phone for example gotcha okay so no looking

[00:25:16] through the phone that's a big break in trust and you know as a parent if you

[00:25:20] want to trust your child the minute they do something that breaks your trust it

[00:25:25] is so hard to get that back to put those pieces back together after that one

[00:25:31] instance of trust being broken you're always going to question and wonder if

[00:25:37] they're telling you the truth it's just really hard to get that trust established

[00:25:41] again the same goes the other way the minute a parent breaks that trust your

[00:25:45] teen isn't going to believe you anymore or feel comfortable with you enough

[00:25:50] and it's gonna just it's like 10 steps backwards right like just as a

[00:25:56] clarification I had nothing to hide on my phone right like I'm not doing

[00:25:59] anything but I still wouldn't want to go into my phone regardless right well

[00:26:06] I mean that's your space yeah yeah same with my room like I don't got anything to

[00:26:13] hide in here but I still don't want them coming in here without me being here when

[00:26:17] I think it says a lot when parents don't I think that's that kind of silent

[00:26:22] way of saying that you trust your kid and I think the more trust you bestow

[00:26:26] on your child the more likely they're going to make good choices I would

[00:26:30] think that's what's happening so far it seems so hey I mean would you say

[00:26:37] that's kind of rings some truth into it Jace that goes back to peer pressure yeah

[00:26:42] and and reverse psychology you know my parents are being like this well I'll

[00:26:47] show them you know I don't know if you could give one piece of advice to

[00:26:52] parents about communicating with their teens what would it be I got one okay

[00:26:58] so we were talking about how you approach certain topics earlier I didn't

[00:27:02] want to mention don't make them feel trapped in a physical space don't come

[00:27:08] into the room and then ask questions because then they have they have no

[00:27:11] options obviously if you're having a conversation with your parent you're

[00:27:14] not just gonna run away but if you feel trapped in a certain spot physically

[00:27:20] you feel less comfortable and less safe which is the exact opposite of what

[00:27:24] you want I would rather my mom come to me I'm in the living room because I have

[00:27:28] options to leave if it came to that yeah and I can see that completely Jace

[00:27:34] because you have the fight flight or freeze you know stem of your brain as

[00:27:39] as a as an educator I guess this thought comes to me that when you're

[00:27:44] stuck in that stem of your brain thinking you're not in any place to

[00:27:49] be talking to your parent because you're freaking out right you feel

[00:27:52] that you either have to flee yeah or you're frozen in place or you have to

[00:27:57] fight it which would be cool or verbal oh yeah exactly so the question was Elena

[00:28:02] if you could give one piece of advice to parents about communicating with their

[00:28:06] teens what would it be give them space when they need space because when I

[00:28:11] feel upset I go to my room and sometimes you go to check on me but I'm

[00:28:16] not in the mood right now you're not ready and I understand that so I would

[00:28:21] say get out but you would just stay and talk to me and I I feel like I'm

[00:28:26] getting compressed into a small can kind of like what Jace just said you have

[00:28:32] nowhere else to go so I just need to back off exactly okay I'll take take

[00:28:37] advice from my own kid so parents if you heard that don't make them feel

[00:28:41] trapped if you need to approach your team talk to them about something

[00:28:45] serious have it in an open space and they need to be mentally and

[00:28:49] emotionally ready for the conversation and we've told them all their lives use

[00:28:54] your words use your words so if they're saying they're not ready they need space

[00:28:58] leave me alone then we got to listen we we're the ones that gave them those

[00:29:03] tools to use use your words they're using their words I really appreciate

[00:29:08] your insights Elena and Jace and I hope that some of our ramblings and some

[00:29:14] of our advice helps you guys out there listeners to try to reestablish that

[00:29:19] connection with your teen or if you've already got a great connection or

[00:29:22] communication with your teenager I would love to hear it feel free to send a

[00:29:27] voice message on the website or you can comment on the episode and let us know

[00:29:32] share the wisdom because it takes a village and sometimes our village is

[00:29:35] the entire you know world because now we have technology and we can talk to

[00:29:39] anybody so well thank you so much Elena and Jace for joining us on

[00:29:44] this segment today I really appreciate you guys taking the time you I'm really

[00:29:47] honored to be here you're welcome you guys want to hear my little unicorn what

[00:29:54] what was that it's my little unicorn buster is it like the chicken that you

[00:30:04] squeeze no it's a little unicorn thing but you know what I'm talking about you

[00:30:09] know the chicken that you squeeze and go yeah well Jace he's spoken his mind

[00:30:17] now he's spoken his mind so we now know that our teams still have a little bit

[00:30:21] of kid heart in them thanks for tuning in to today's episode of keep calm and

[00:30:27] parent strong remember we release a new episode every other Sunday so make

[00:30:31] sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform to never miss out next

[00:30:36] time we'll explore the importance of bedtime routines for all ages and why

[00:30:40] they're crucial not just for babies please take a minute to leave a review if you

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[00:30:48] until then keep loving keep laughing and keep parenting strong